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  • Jessica Shouse

The Day the Mountain Won


“If you fully accept personal defeat and embrace it as an inevitable part of life, then you can benefit from it. It’s possible for you to grow from your experience in such a way that your failure becomes an asset for the future.”

- Phillip Moffat, Emotional Chaos to Clarity, 2012-

I had a DNF (did not finish) day on the trail recently. On a trail I’ve done before, that shouldn’t have been an issue. There was nothing super hard or challenging about this hike. Five and a half miles out and back, with a moderate rating, and only at an elevation of 10,200 ft. There were a few steep sections with some snow pack; nothing I haven’t conquered before. On this day, however, my body just was not having it.

I got a little more than half way to our destination before my body simply quit. The resolve to continue was just not there. Rather than risk pushing myself too far and potentially incurring an injury, I listened to my body and turned back. I got back to my car at the trailhead, began to catch my breath, and then felt the feelings of failure and defeat begin to set in. Self-doubt took control: Did I quit too soon? Could I have pushed a little harder and continued onward? I started second-guessing all the decisions I’d made up to that point.

Despite my gloomy thoughts and disappointment, the day itself saw me through: Sitting at my car replaying the hike in my mind, I realized that it was beautiful outside - blue skies, sunshine, and a blanket of fresh snow covered the landscape. Having had the day off I decided to embrace the moment and stayed in the park and played tourist for a bit. It turned out to be the perfect way for me to reflect on my hard morning on the trail.

I chased the doubt away by telling myself the following:

1. Be proud of your effort. You got up at 2:30 am and got out there, which is more than most can say! There’s nothing wrong with feeling pride for trying - and disappointment for not finishing - at the same time. You are human after all!

2. This won’t stop me. Sure, today was not my day. Hiking and pushing myself on the mountain is important to me and my sanity. One set back is not the end of the journey. Keep challenging yourself. Keep dreaming big. Keep digging deep to find your limits. Keep stepping out of your comfort zone. With hard work and determination, you’ll get achieve your goals.

3. Failure does not define me. Every time you get out there and put boots on the trail you are defining who you are. Reaching a destination does not define you. Your dreams, hopes, and deepest desires do. You are strong, resilient, and this will not stop you!

4. Let it go and move on. You’re incredibly strong for being vulnerable and not ignoring your emotions. But at some time, it’s time to let go and move on. It’s time to focus on conquering your next meeting with the trail (Watch out Glacier Gorge Trail, I’m coming for ya!).

Defeat occurs when we set out to accomplish something that is really important, but for whatever reason it never comes to fruition. For me, that defeat was not reaching a superb alpine lake with an amazing group of friends. The key is to try and turn that negative feeling into a positive. I stayed in the park and although my boots may not have been on the trail, I was still in a place I cherish, a place that means so much to my soul. I still had a spectacular morning. You may not be able to change what happened, but you can change how you react and relate to it.


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